As part of our series of articles by exceptional HR professionals, today we present a coaching article by a new guest author, David Finney.
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I have a problem with the term ‘work-life balance’. It implies that life begins when work finishes. The words we use are critical to our self awareness, our situation-reading and to our learning and development, and yet we pick up phrases like jackets in a wardrobe, trying them on for size and sometimes keeping on something that doesn’t quite fit in the absence of anything better.
Our conversations are derived from a variety of sources: education, literacy, sound bites from the media, parental hand-me-downs and phrases we’ve picked up from our friends, family or business colleagues. Words are not truly our own. They sit on a large menu from which we make our selection, in an attempt to find the right combination that suits the way we are feeling at any given time.
Interpreting stress
The phrase ‘work/life balance’ originated in the eighties. it seemed OK at the time: a way of interpreting stress, a reminder to leave the office before dark. it’s a phrase we have picked up, taken on board and maybe even formed a goal around.
But what if WLB is reinforcing the belief that the working day is simply a prelude to a sigh of relief at the end of it? What if these words are encouraging our clients to move away from rather than towards something? As coach Graham Guest says “Part of the perceived problem of the work-life balance comes about through regarding work as the stuff you do, often reluctantly, to earn money to do the things you really want to do”.
Balance of opposites
Chinese philosophy has always been intrigued with balance: night and day, high and low, winter and summer, dark and light, black and white, left and right,false and true, female and male, as encapsulated by the yin and yang in the I Ching, the ancient Chinese classic text. The yin and yang represent the negative and positive forces in the universe and the “dynamic balance of opposites”.
The Chinese language itself works in a similar way, using antonyms. These are opposite words placed side by side to represent a concept. So ’hei’ (black) plus ‘bai’ (white) represents morality. ‘Cheng’ (success) plus ‘bai’ (failure) represents outcome or result. ‘Chang’ (long) with ‘duan’ (short) represents the concept of the situation: that’s the long and short of it. So maybe to fully understand certain concepts, one needs to locate and appreciate its direct opposite.
Restoring social order
The Ifaluk are a people that live on an Island in the Pacific Ocean, just a few hundred souls on a piece of land about half a mile in diameter. The Ifaluk don’t approve of anger, so they don’t have a word for it. They have a similar word, and that word is ‘song’. If someone on the island is in a ‘state of song’, they must have a very good reason for it. For instance, the person causing them to experience ‘song’ must have acted in a very immoral way. Then, the person experiencing ‘song’ must find a way to express their feeling in a non-physical, nonviolent, controlled manner.
And so ’song’ is a sign that the social order of the island has been disturbed, the equilibrium tipped. Balance is only restored when the person causing ‘song’ has apologized or offered a gift or similar. Until then, the person experiences ‘metagu’, and feels guilt or pressure from the Ifaluk society until making amends.
The conceptual width of balance is far reaching, and people have the power to create language that suits the world they inhabit.
Authenticity
Buddhism – like Hinduism - is based upon the principle of cause and effect and centers round the Noble Eightfold Path, The Middle Way, which is the avoidance of extremes, leading to balance in thought, words and action. Author Michael Carroll references balance in Buddhism in a different way, encouraging us to accept disorder at work and achieve balance by taking time out in the day, moments to stop and listen to our surroundings, find our source and be authentic.
In our quest for authenticity in love, in leadership and in life, we can discover a harmony that is enduring, that underlies work, play and all the events and segments in our day, something independent of the divides we create.
There is a flip side to the WLB phrase. Its alternate implications are that our ‘work’ finishes when the bell goes. This can cause us to switch off when we come home and lose the social disciplines we had at work: politeness, courtesy, interest in the projects of others, for instance. This could mean we disconnect from our loved ones and the lives they are leading. But true balance is ‘karmic’: every action performed in one part of our lives affects another. Every extra hour at work is one hour less with our families. Every extra hour in bed could mean one less working on our goals.
Unpacking the phrase
As coaches we are trained to use the words our clients use, in a matching and mirroring effect. We are also trained to help our clients analyze their words and check they are the right ones, ensuring that they accurately summarize the intent behind them. So if a client wants to discuss ‘work-life balance’, I believe the coach should help the client reach the ‘right’ words to express exactly how they feel as soon as possible, before progressing too far into the program. I can recall suggesting the word ‘buzz’ to a client to help identify a set of feelings. "Yes! That's the word: buzz!” he exclaimed. “Yes that’s how I feel, thank you!”
Clients tackling issues labeled ‘work-life balance’ need to achieve the same sense of recognition in locating words that describe exactly how they, individually, feel, and then in defining the kind of balance they really want.
In balance
So ‘work-life balance’: is it a harmless label, or an influencing phrase working quietly away in our subconscious? The phrase still concerns me. It’s like a dusty old jacket that needs replacing. An “unhelpful dichotomy” as coach Bill Brand puts it. Our lives are surely not divided up into two opposing parts. It has to be simply a question of balance and what that means to the individual.
A final word from a previous client of mine who revealed in our sixth session, “My life feels more in balance now”. No mention of work or life, just “balance”. Music to a coach’s ears!
About our Guest Author:
David Finney is Quality Director & Coaching Champion in an international market research company with twenty years managerial and people development experience. David has a Diploma in both Corporate & Personal Coaching and is a member of The Association for Coaching.
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